Simple Dementia Communication Strategies: A Friendly Guide for Family & Carers

Welcome.

You came here for respite, and respite you will find.

The first thing that needs to be gotten out of the way is that you’re doing well. Amazing, even. Don’t let anybody or situations make you think otherwise. Being the caregiver for a person with dementia is not a cakewalk.

But you can get better. All you need to do is master certain skills and strategies to communicate with them better. Because, as the syndrome progresses, communication can become difficult. Communication can feel like a chore on a holiday, which you have to grudgingly take care of instead of hanging out with your friends. But when you learn effective dementia communication strategies, you’ll find that your frustrations become less, and the connections you have become stronger.

Why do these strategies matter?

Well, they do because you can find that words that were once used in friendly conversation have become trigger words for certain unsavoury responses from the person you’re caring for. Also, mundane questions like “Tea or coffee” could do a world of good.

At Support Network, our carers employ these strategies, and the responses have been heartwarming. This is why we’re bringing you this guide.

In this guide, we will teach you time-tested and scientifically backed strategies which can help you understand triggers, how to avoid them, and how to deepen the connections you are building.

And what’s more, you will find the respite that you’re seeking.

What Is Dementia & Why Communication Changes?

If you’re not a carer, or do not know enough about the condition, please get it out of your mind that dementia is a part of ageing. It is absolutely not.

Dementia isn’t an ailment or a disease. It shows up when diseases that affect the brain leave traces behind that go on to affect the brain. When certain conditions pop up in a person’s life that affect their brain, it may leave scars, literally and figuratively. These scars build up to become the syndrome known as dementia. Professional carers know this, and this is why they master intervention skills designed specifically to help their patients.

A person with dementia tends to lose their cognitive abilities. They lose their memory slowly and even lose language. They struggle to remember people, things and places, and even everyday words that they used in regular conversations.

They may:

• Use the wrong words or struggle to use related words to describe something
• Speak gibberish
• Struggle to follow conversations while looking interested
• Struggle to read or write, almost like an acutely dyslexic person
• Forget basic conversation rules and even talk to items while expecting a response.

They may not even be able to process that they’re being spoken to because their brains have been differently wired. And the sad thing is that it gets worse as the condition progresses.

This is why communicating with them is not the same as regular communication. And this is why there is a need for the strategies in this guide.

Common Communication Barriers & Strategies

Now, we have come to the reason for this guide. The reason for your frantic search of the billions of pages on the internet.

Having a conversation with a person living with dementia can be tedious because dementia erects barriers to communication in their brains. The barriers block proper cognitive ability, causing frustrations for everybody involved.

These “blockers” include:

Memory Lapses & Word-finding: If a person can’t remember a word or a name, the breaks in between them trying to find the right words can make the conversation tedious.

Attention & Distraction: Dementia also causes people to lose focus easily. This is why most conversations with people living with dementia are done in quieter spaces.

Heightened Emotions: People living with dementia feel things on a much higher plane than others. When it hits them that they can’t communicate as they used to, they can become frustrated, fearful, embarrassed or even hateful. Sometimes, they feel too ecstatic. At times like this, almost nothing gets to them.

Fatigue and Mood: Everyone feels tired and moody, but in the case of a person living with dementia, it’s tougher. You guessed the “why” right – communication becomes a lot harder in times like these.

Language Differences: This is a rare case, but some people with dementia suddenly start speaking the first language they knew before learning the common tongue. Communication is hardest in cases like these.

How to overcome these barriers? See below!

1. Use Clear, Simple Language

If you speak like an academic with big words all the time, you should absolutely not be caring for your loved one with dementia. If you really love them, then you’ll speak in words that mere mortals can understand. That’s the easiest way to get to them.

Speak clearly and simply. Speak in short sentences that present one idea at a time. Repeat your statements and questions often. Don't ask open-ended questions. Instead, ask “Yes or No” questions to give them a choice and to help them feel in control of the situation.

It is also important that you be direct when talking about their personal needs. Don’t remind them about meals, make the table and tell them it’s time to eat.

2. Listen Actively & Validate Their Feelings

It's easy to forget that communication is a two-way street. True communication occurs when both parties are actively listening to each other, not just to respond, but to contribute meaningfully.

This is the basis of active listening, which is giving your full attention to grasp the meaning behind each word so that you can flow seamlessly in communication.

It isn’t that simple with a person living with dementia, to be fair. Most times, they are saying things that will confuse you. However, if you listen actively, you will make them feel at ease. You can do this by:

• Making eye contact and nodding when they speak. It encourages them to continue, which can help you understand what they’re trying to say.

• Not interrupting them. Resist the urge to finish their sentences.

• Using your body language. A gentle touch, if they welcome it, is always good. If they don’t welcome it, don’t tense up. Smile. Relax.

Experts recommend validation therapy. This is when you respond softly to things they say instead of correcting them. For instance, a person with dementia can think that their kids are still in school, when in fact, the kids are all grown up and with their own lives. Not seeing them around may cause them to say things like, “I need to pick up my kids from school”.

Applying validation therapy, your answer will be something along the lines of, “You must really want to look after your children”, instead of telling them that the kids are grown. Using the “yes-and” method is another way of validating them.

You know how dementia can sometimes make people believe in things that aren’t true or real to them? They may want to share this with you. The person can say something like, “I saw [name of a distant relative who’s very far away] today,” when they’ve been at home all day. Your response should be, “Oh yeah? Did you talk about the flowers in your garden with him?” (assuming the person loves gardening).

Validation allows you to gently steer the conversation to things that can help them feel better. And if you’re a family carer, it can help you find some respite because you learn how much love your loved one has for the family.

3. Speak With Your Body – Body Language

Sometimes, a smile can do trick trick. A gentle touch, a face full of joy and warmth, and even kind gestures like opening your arms for a hug may speak more than words. You can accompany words with body language for the best results.

For this to work, though, you have to make sure not to loom over them. This simply means that you squat down to their level if they’re sitting, and stand with them side by side in a way that reassures them that they aren’t being “watched”. Always keep your arms where they can see them, too.

Even silence can help. It helps more than you think, in fact. Remember active listening, in the section directly above this? Yeah. That’s how it works. Your warm presence will make things a lot easier.

4. Slow Down Your Speaking & Reduce Your Volume

If you’re a fast talker, you might want to learn how to slow down. If you have a booming voice, you might also want to learn how to tone it down. Talking at the speed of sound and speaking like you’re addressing a crowd can easily scare the person you’re caring for. The way you say things is usually more important than whatever you want to say.

Respect them as full-grown adults, though! This means no baby talk. They need to be spoken to like adults because it will help them feel better. The ultimate trick is to speak as if you’re reading a bedtime story.

5. Reminisce With Them

Because dementia chips away at memories, using memories to bring them back to the present is a great hack. It is one of the most effective dementia communication strategies in existence, in fact.

Try showing them old photos, old toys, old keepsakes and old things that you know they cherished. Listen to their favourite music with them. Something from their youth. You can go the extra mile to create a life storybook that they can constantly look at and smile at. Focus on what makes the person unique and the things that matter most to them, and make a storybook you can share with them at times.

The idea is to always bring them back to the present using things that matter to them.

Setting the Scene for Communication

We’ve established the fact that any dementia communication strategies thrive in peaceful and familiar settings. This means that, as the family carer or the hired professional, you need to set the scene for this communication to happen at all times. Here’s how to set the scene:

Minimise Distractions

• Turn off background noise
• Be still when speaking
• Make sure the room is well lit. Gently guide them outdoors if it isn’t.
• Declutter the environment
• Don’t start conversations in the middle of urgent activities.

Create Comforting & Familiar Surroundings

• Find a chair that they are comfortable in. If they have a favourite one, bring them to it.
• Place items that remind them of better days close by and where they can see them.
• Create a routine and help them follow it.
• Label everything.
• Remove sharp objects.

Tech & Tools for Effective Dementia Communication Strategies

You can use technology to your advantage when you want to communicate with a person living with dementia. Tech and other tools can help you pass messages across more clearly than you imagined. We’re talking apps, visual aids, clocks with big displays and even LED signs, if you can afford them.

One such tool is cue cards. According to Dementia Australia, cards that have simple images or words can help a person living with dementia to communicate when they can’t find the right words to use. For instance, they may need a drink of water, but can’t find the words. A card with a picture of a glass of water will help them get their message across to you, the carer.

Memory apps on their smartphones or tablets are also a good way to aid communication. You can even go ahead to create a playlist on a music platform of their favourite songs that you can play to bring them back to the present. Experts even recommend AI apps like Alexa and Gemini that can help you set reminders for routine things like medication or meals.

Do not rely on these things too much, though. Your aim is to ground them in reality, but tech can sometimes create alternate ones. Use them sparingly and only to assist your efforts.

Person-Centred Approaches: Tailoring Your Dementia Communication Strategies

Congratulations on your learning so far!

We believe this guide has been as helpful as you imagined it would. You can always reach out to the Support Network with any inquiries you may have, and we’ll be happy to help.

Now, let’s look at an important part of your communication strategy.

Dementia doesn’t affect two people the same way. When it strikes, it chips away at different parts of a person's brain. For one, it could be their ability to speak and for another, it could be their memory. It always shows up in different ways, meaning that every tip you've learned up to this point is useless.

That is, until you personalise it.

Here’s how you can do this:

Know Their History & Preferences

Is your loved one or patient an adventurous person? Are they in love with sweets and hate salty foods? Do they enjoy evening walks? Do they have a favourite movie, celebrity, song, chair, football team or place? If you’re a pro carer, make sure you ask the family all these questions first.

After you get the information you need, try to communicate with them using these things. Also, build on what they remember to help them trace themselves. The goal is to connect with them and help them stay rooted in reality, enough to live a good-enough life.

Respect Their Identity & Autonomy

Never lose respect for them. Kindly decline the care of someone with dementia if you can’t respect them. Use names, nicknames and titles where necessary when addressing them. Don’t say things like “old man/woman” or “the patient”.

Always offer them a choice. “Do you want tea or coffee?” instead of “We’re having tea today”. Experts the world over say that this seemingly mundane thing gives them control and makes them warm up to you, the carer. Also, allow them the right to refuse, even if it is medication. Don’t try to convince them or coerce them. Instead, use familiar things to get them to take the medication.

It is taboo to ask a person with dementia questions like, “Don’t you remember…?”. Repeat whatever you’re telling them as often as it will take for them to remember. Use visual aids or assistive tech to help. Most importantly, never dismiss their comments or opinions, but guide the conversation back to the right track.

Talk with them, not to them. You’ll get great results this way.

Managing Difficult Moments

Difficult moments may be few and far between, but you need to be ready for them. Most of these moments are caused by feelings of frustration or sadness, and sometimes ecstasy. Your job, however difficult, is not to allow them to sit in these negative emotions because it will worsen their condition faster.

Do this using these tips:

Responses to Agitation

• Stay calm. Don't judge them for their outbursts.
• Acknowledge feelings
• Gently change the topic or location
• Lower your expectations
• Validation first, persuasion second
• Give them space and call if there’s a risk.

Avoid Certain Phrases & Questions

• Don’t say things like “Don’t you remember…?” or “You’re wrong.”
• Don’t order them about.
• Don’t talk about them as if they’re not there
• Don’t scare them with negative predictions
• Don’t be sarcastic.

Stay Safe

If the person becomes aggressive during communication because of negative emotions: 

• Step back
• Call for help
• Reassure them
• Mind your body language (fist open, hands down, calm demeanour)

More importantly, plan ahead for events like these. Learn what could trigger them and try to avoid or manage them.

Supporting the Carer

This brings us to something that’s just as important as any dementia communication strategies in this guide: you, the carer, and your wellbeing.

It is both fulfilling and draining to be the tether to reality for a person living with dementia. Carers regularly deal with stress, fatigue and even social isolation because their every waking moment is spent making others' lives better.

Take care of yourself by:

• Taking regular breaks
• Maintaining your health
• Joining a support group for connections
• Constantly updating your knowledge on the syndrome
• Being realistic and kinder to yourself.

Speaking of learning, here are some places and resources you can use to learn more about dementia:

• Workshops and courses from accredited organisations
• Libraries and guides (like this one you’re reading)
• Support Network – because we care and are willing to walk with you in this journey.
• Online communities and forums
• Australian Government and health sites like health.gov.au, NDIA, or NDIS resources.

You matter. Don’t lose yourself, or you won’t have anything left in the tank for this labour of love.

Dementia Communication Strategies FAQ

Q1: What if they stop responding entirely?

They may just need space. You can also try non-verbal communication. If it is not space they need, panic not, still. Talking less is normal in the latter stages of dementia. Always confirm that they’re not in danger or need, and update their attending doctor for regular advice.

Q2: Can non-English speakers still use these strategies?

Yes. It can be adapted to any language and culture. In earlier sections of the guide, we pointed out that some dementia cases see people revert to languages they grew up speaking before learning the common tongue – English, in this case. If the carer is fluent in the person’s first language, the strategies will still work. Patience is the key.

Q3: When is it time for professional help?

It is time for professional help when nothing in this guide works.

Conclusion

Empathy, simplicity, patience and love – these are the key elements of the best dementia communication strategies.

Short sentences, reminiscence, respecting the person and acknowledging who they used to be make the difference. Taking care of yourself so that you can take care of them, too, is also important.

And now, you can breathe.

Congratulations on completing this guide. If you ever need help, Support Network is here to help. We connect families in Canberra and all of Australia with the best care for their loved ones, which means we can also provide respite care for you.

Never forget, we're always cheering you on!